I wrote this entry back in Oosterhout Holland while visiting my lover Abby. It was a plain old day in a plain old neighbourhood. After writing it I felt embarrassed– it seemed almost too proposterosly good to be true. Could I really have felt what I had felt? I didn’t want to offend my sensible readers with perhaps prematurely extolled joy. Perhaps, I had just had a really good coffee that morning! Perhaps it was a lucky moment. However, I am happy to report that the feeling of existential satisfaction that I report below, has now become my daily, moment by moment, experience. Really. Its a fantastic place to be. In fact, as I allude to below, I am discovering that its the natural place to be. Living life doing what we want to and love to do, is, beleive it or not Ladies and Gentlemen, is what we are meant to do!
———–
This morning, on my way to do some mundane grocery shopping here in Oosterhout, a profound feeling overcame me.
I am on My Way.
As the sun rose above the horizon and the sky blazed organge, it struck me that I feel crystal clear about where I am in my life right now. As, in, I have no doubts, no worries, no misgivings, no anxieties. Nothing. Not only this, but I have a profound sense that I am doing what I need and should and am destined to be doing. Joseph Cambell called it “Following your bliss”. My friend Yorlene calls it “Following your heart”. My friend Greg calls it “In the Zone”.
Its hardly a feeling bereft of emotion.
I am feeling joy, sadness, and even thinking about my work and whether to buy cilantro or parsely. Yet, deep down, beneath the thoughts, beneath the feelings, all is clear. Its sounds so simple, so basic, even cheesy!
But have I ever felt this way? In my whole life? I don’t think I have– never as fundamentally clear as this. There has always been something on my mind or heart that I wasn’t sure about. Maybe, I hadn’t applied for a grant, a relationship wasn’t right, I wasn’t being honest about something to myself or a friend, I wasn’t doing what I knew I should be, etc.
I am on my way.
This is what it means to be human. This is the space we are all meant to be in. This is when, as Tim Freke says, “Life becomes the Joyful celebration it was meant to be”.
Standing there in a plain old residential neighbourhood, the feeling was overwhelming.
Light on my feet, I skipped to the store beaming a smile to everyone I met.
