A few days ago, I was having coffee with a new friend here in Berlin.
She had been sharing how she was reticent to lent go of her job and follow her heart. Her job was superficially fantastic. She works at a university who’s name you would all recognize. Yet she disliked her work so much that it had slowly but surely made her sick. Indeed, she had been on medical leave for the last two weeks. She described it as a ‘survival’ job– the type of job that you do to pay the bills, sustain a life style and accumulate the trappings of success and accomplishment.
But is life really about just surviving? Is there more to it than just covering the bills and the rent so you can maintain a socially sanctioned life and comfortable standard of living?
I had been sharing how I had left behind my survival situation in Smithers BC and embraced the calling of my heart. I left a magnificent log house on five acres that was the envy of all, yet in which I found no comfort. I shared how I have never been healthier, happier and more loving and creative. Even the really tough moments– there have been some– are underlayed by profound sense of being on the right path. I had also been sharing stories of this crazy river of abundance that has been flowing my way.
When it came time to pay the bill she generously offered to pay for my coffee. I looked in my wallet– I had but 4 euros left.
I smiled.
I explained that I wanted to make an existential statement. I insisted on paying for my coffee– explaining with a genuine smile that this was my last few coins in the whole world that I was putting on the table.
Now, if I had really been courageous, I would have also paid for her coffee, and this story would be a lot better! Alas, as my last entry describes, full-out courage is not something that comes to me easily. 🙁
Breakfast concluded and I headed back to the family I was staying with. There, waiting for me was a 50 Euro bill– an advance on a painting payment! Then, I checked my e-mail, and I was shocked to see a friend had found a place on a geological research crew with Pottsdam university. Not only would I get a ride out to the beautiful mountain area near Dresden, but I would get paid 100 euros for one day of work! I don’t know about you, but 100 euros is a small fortune for me! I’ve prospered for a month on less than this!
If this wasn’t enough, the next day I did a presentation to a group of Humanity’s Team folks in Berlin. I explained my project and told some stories– I didn’t ask or even consider asking for anything. At the end of the afternoon, I was blown away when the folks came up to me and just started handing me bills and giving me the most blessed hugs!
So now, my wallet is full of cash.
Its pretty crazy. Most crazy however was the way I smiled and felt at ease when I paid for my coffee. I have spent my last euro before but it was with anxiety and trepidation. This time there was nothing but the smile.
I think I may just have conquered a fear!
